Vivi posted the following message this morning in his fan forum on douyu, stating kotd (today) will be his last aoe2 game and he's aiming to become a full time aoe4 streamer afterwards. He expressed disappointment for not performing well in previous tournaments and the overwhelming mental stress from the Chinese community in the past.
Translation (those in italic are notes from translator to help understand the context):
(THIS IS VERY LONG, PLEASE REFER TO THE TITLE FOR TL;DR VERSION)
- This is vivi. I started playing aoe in 2006, when I was in the final year of primary school and saw my cousin playing this game. This is the start of my gaming addiction for the following 6 years - I eventually got addicted myself and spent all my time playing aoe2 in internet cafes. During this period, I didn't go to school and didn't do any work at all. Because of my aoe2 addiction, parents refused to talk to me and didn't even let me go back home. They would throw my food straight into the bin to punish me. I had nowhere to go but sleeping under the street bridge or internet cafes; I was constantly hungry, and the only thing I could consume was tap water from internet cafes (*in China, tap water isn't intended for human consumption); when I craved a cigarette, I had to collect cigarette butts from other people.
- I was living a miserable life, but I understand it's the result of my own life decisions. The root was my own laziness and game addiction. I don't blame my parents, it's all because I was in obsession with meaningless fame and vanity in the online world. Imagine being the young vivi, being the so called "high level aoe player", almost starving himself to death but still spending all the time playing aoe2 instead of making a living...
- This phase lasted until 2012, when I finally reslized how toxic this lifestyle is. Parents offered a spot in the local wet market, so I could make my own living. I was making a couple hundred RMB a day (*100 RMB = 15 USD) and it was the happiest time of my life. Work day usually starts at 3am and finishes at 8pm, very often I could only sleep a few hours at night, for an entire 2 years. Working was rough, but very satisfying and I could even afford going to clubs occasionally (*club = where you find prostitutes).
- In 2014, I was browsing douyu and saw Paladin streaming aoe2. It rekindled my aoe dream - not only I could make money by playing a video game, but also have a such huge ego boost. I quit my job, found an easy position catching fish for my cousin, where I could work 15 days and have 15 days off to focus on my aoe dream.
- Hard work paid off and I soon became the key player of SY B team, which was the best Chinese team at that time. My ambition impressed the SY sponsor, he moved me as a sub for SY A team in the following national cup in 2015. I won 5000 RMB and it's the first time I saw this much cash from a gaming event. I was so happy and couldn't stop laughing.
- Since then, I started practice teamgames with Paladin. I never wall myself, and sometimes when I do wall, there is always a hole and lose us the game. Douyu chat started calling me "Dragon with a hole in wall". The young and immature me had a huge fight with Paladin and left SY out of rage. Now both my skills and experience have improved, I would think back and feel extremely sorry for the SY sponsor and Paladin. Paladin was right the whole time and I wasn't rational enough to admit I was wrong.
- In 2016, I accumulated my own fans and they would say things like "Fatdragon is better than Paladin now" and convinced me to start streaming. One of the sponsors called 超总 bought me a webcam and mic to kick off my streaming career. He offered a lot of support to me, both financially and mentally. He also organized a team called CR (which means superman, 超人/ChaoRen in Chinese) and competed in the 30k USD teamgame tournament (Clan Masters) organized by SY. I clapped everyone by conqs and won the 4th place for my team, lost to SY who won against TyRanT. Everyone was so happy and my chat was extremely supportive back then. For myself, I was satisfied by the prize - not to mention it was the first international tournament I participated.
- In 2017, there was another national cup sponsored by SY+ Paladin fundraisinging from chat. I signed up with Tim under the name of team FNC. We were against the Finland team in the final of winner's bracket for a BO7. I forgot to check my walls and left a hole again, then went from winning 3-0 to being reverse swept. That day, I experienced what internet bullying is like. The entire community was raging at me for days but I have nothing to say because it was my fault for losing the games.
- Paladin was the captain for SY team at that time. He promised the SY sponsor that we will definitely win the tournament, but turned out the final LAN event was between two foreign teams. SY only got the 6th place and my team was the 3rd - neither of the Chinese team made it into the final. Needless to say, SY sponsor was heartbroken and never sponsored a tournament since then. Paladin had a difficult time too since the community was acusing him for corruption (taking money from his chat but didn't win). I had a lot of sympathy for him - he has 3 young children to feed, and has lead the Chinese team to victory in the previous two years (2015 and 2016). Paladin also organized the LAN event single handedly. That's a lot of hard work and I think he deserves to be paid with some money, or at least appreciation from the community. Nevertheless, after the event, Paladin has never organized another event since then, I guess he's deeply hurt by the community.
- In 2018, I joined SY team and played in kotd teamgame tournament. It was the first time I teamed with Mr.Yo and Lyx, in our game vs the Vietnamese team, Saymyname was slinging but I didn't attack his eco. Paladin was in the chat, commented "Vivi made the wrong decision to not attack Saymyname". We lost in the end and it was a storm of chat cursing at me and calling me "poison of SY", "TG noob" etc. Hundreds of people unfollowed me after that game. I cried for the entire night - Mr. Yo and Lyx are both well known top teamgame players, Paladin is their good friend + team captain + the biggest Chinese aoe streamer, of course I am the one to blame for losing games. At that time, I was earning steadily at least 5000 RMB a month (*~780 USD) from streaming aoe2. Because of that single sentence Paladin commented, my earning dropped to 1-2000 RMB a month (*~150-300 USD). I could only blame myself for not being good enough for the team.
- In July 2018, there was another 1v1 tournament hosted by MS. I won vs Liereyy 3-2, which made things slightly more positive. One of my supporters, 胖哥, gifted a lot of "super rockets" in my channel (*douyu streamers earn money by receiving "gifts" of different values, one "super rocket" = 2000 RMB/300 USD). Then there was kotd2, I was to play vs Liereyy again in the semifinal, 胖哥 promised he would become a "king" in my channel if I made it to the final (*"king" = 60,000 RMB/9400 USD per month). I was mentally stressed - I have won vs Liereyy twice recently in tournament, and everyone was expecting me to have another "easy win". I ended up losing 1-4, as you would expect, chat went wild again blaming me for being a noob and "only capable to win small tournaments".
- My mod asked what tag I wanted for my channel, and I said "top 3 in the world for aoe2" becasue Liereyy jokingly said "vivi is the only one other than viper that won vs me, so he's #3 in the world". It's a tag for fun and I have never said "I'm top 3 in the world" after losing to Liereyy.
- The Chinese community constantly compare me with Mr. Yo, and everytime we played vs each other, I always lost either 2-3 or 3-4. In June 2019, Mr. Yo won another tournament whilst I was only top 16. I donated a "super rocket" to his channel in the final day, hoping his chat could be less mean towards me after Mr. Yo won. By then, My. Yo has overtaken Paladin to become the biggest aoe2 streamer in China, his chat was extremely active - I know I would feel salty and upset watching him winning. "It's not that bad to be the second best, just keep playing and streaming", I kept telling myself.
- Fast forward to hidden cup 3 in 2020, I made it top 16 and got stomped by Liereyy again whilst Mr .Yo made it to top 8 before losing to viper. I really don't understand the contrast - My. Yo's chat was supportive and no one blamed him for losing to the best player in the world, but everyone was attacking me for losing to the second best player in the world. Most of the time, I really tried my best to perform, but after being bullied for such a long time my mentality isn't healthy anymore.
- In the Redbull event in 2020, Mr. Yo won again and I was only top 32. This is when I reslized my steaming career was coming to an end. I have thought about giving up streaming numerous times, but there was always a voice deep in my heart, telling me I need to prove myself. For all the following tournaments, kotd3, Redbull3, Hidden cup4, Redbull4, Holy cup... I could never got anything better than top 16. I have accepted my destiny of being a "top 16 player" - if the community still wants to call me a noob for being top 16 in the world, I guess I have nothing to say. Everytime when I go into Mr. Yo's chat and see the same people who noob shamed me for years, I feel mentally exhausted myself - are you really having fun doing the same toxic thing for such a long time?
- Some people don't like the way I speak, but it's just my personality and I am uneducated. I swear a lot in stream, but that doesn't mean I'm a toxic person. I would like to say thank you to all the people who have been wholeheartedly supporting me. I am really passionate about aoe2 and love the game from the deepest place of my heart, but I am exhausted and have to give up. kotd will be my last aoe2 game, and I just want to focus on streaming aoe4 afterwards. It doesn't matter if I'm a noob, I just want to spend time streaming for fun.
Translation (those in italic are notes from translator to help understand the context):
(THIS IS VERY LONG, PLEASE REFER TO THE TITLE FOR TL;DR VERSION)
- This is vivi. I started playing aoe in 2006, when I was in the final year of primary school and saw my cousin playing this game. This is the start of my gaming addiction for the following 6 years - I eventually got addicted myself and spent all my time playing aoe2 in internet cafes. During this period, I didn't go to school and didn't do any work at all. Because of my aoe2 addiction, parents refused to talk to me and didn't even let me go back home. They would throw my food straight into the bin to punish me. I had nowhere to go but sleeping under the street bridge or internet cafes; I was constantly hungry, and the only thing I could consume was tap water from internet cafes (*in China, tap water isn't intended for human consumption); when I craved a cigarette, I had to collect cigarette butts from other people.
- I was living a miserable life, but I understand it's the result of my own life decisions. The root was my own laziness and game addiction. I don't blame my parents, it's all because I was in obsession with meaningless fame and vanity in the online world. Imagine being the young vivi, being the so called "high level aoe player", almost starving himself to death but still spending all the time playing aoe2 instead of making a living...
- This phase lasted until 2012, when I finally reslized how toxic this lifestyle is. Parents offered a spot in the local wet market, so I could make my own living. I was making a couple hundred RMB a day (*100 RMB = 15 USD) and it was the happiest time of my life. Work day usually starts at 3am and finishes at 8pm, very often I could only sleep a few hours at night, for an entire 2 years. Working was rough, but very satisfying and I could even afford going to clubs occasionally (*club = where you find prostitutes).
- In 2014, I was browsing douyu and saw Paladin streaming aoe2. It rekindled my aoe dream - not only I could make money by playing a video game, but also have a such huge ego boost. I quit my job, found an easy position catching fish for my cousin, where I could work 15 days and have 15 days off to focus on my aoe dream.
- Hard work paid off and I soon became the key player of SY B team, which was the best Chinese team at that time. My ambition impressed the SY sponsor, he moved me as a sub for SY A team in the following national cup in 2015. I won 5000 RMB and it's the first time I saw this much cash from a gaming event. I was so happy and couldn't stop laughing.
- Since then, I started practice teamgames with Paladin. I never wall myself, and sometimes when I do wall, there is always a hole and lose us the game. Douyu chat started calling me "Dragon with a hole in wall". The young and immature me had a huge fight with Paladin and left SY out of rage. Now both my skills and experience have improved, I would think back and feel extremely sorry for the SY sponsor and Paladin. Paladin was right the whole time and I wasn't rational enough to admit I was wrong.
- In 2016, I accumulated my own fans and they would say things like "Fatdragon is better than Paladin now" and convinced me to start streaming. One of the sponsors called 超总 bought me a webcam and mic to kick off my streaming career. He offered a lot of support to me, both financially and mentally. He also organized a team called CR (which means superman, 超人/ChaoRen in Chinese) and competed in the 30k USD teamgame tournament (Clan Masters) organized by SY. I clapped everyone by conqs and won the 4th place for my team, lost to SY who won against TyRanT. Everyone was so happy and my chat was extremely supportive back then. For myself, I was satisfied by the prize - not to mention it was the first international tournament I participated.
- In 2017, there was another national cup sponsored by SY+ Paladin fundraisinging from chat. I signed up with Tim under the name of team FNC. We were against the Finland team in the final of winner's bracket for a BO7. I forgot to check my walls and left a hole again, then went from winning 3-0 to being reverse swept. That day, I experienced what internet bullying is like. The entire community was raging at me for days but I have nothing to say because it was my fault for losing the games.
- Paladin was the captain for SY team at that time. He promised the SY sponsor that we will definitely win the tournament, but turned out the final LAN event was between two foreign teams. SY only got the 6th place and my team was the 3rd - neither of the Chinese team made it into the final. Needless to say, SY sponsor was heartbroken and never sponsored a tournament since then. Paladin had a difficult time too since the community was acusing him for corruption (taking money from his chat but didn't win). I had a lot of sympathy for him - he has 3 young children to feed, and has lead the Chinese team to victory in the previous two years (2015 and 2016). Paladin also organized the LAN event single handedly. That's a lot of hard work and I think he deserves to be paid with some money, or at least appreciation from the community. Nevertheless, after the event, Paladin has never organized another event since then, I guess he's deeply hurt by the community.
- In 2018, I joined SY team and played in kotd teamgame tournament. It was the first time I teamed with Mr.Yo and Lyx, in our game vs the Vietnamese team, Saymyname was slinging but I didn't attack his eco. Paladin was in the chat, commented "Vivi made the wrong decision to not attack Saymyname". We lost in the end and it was a storm of chat cursing at me and calling me "poison of SY", "TG noob" etc. Hundreds of people unfollowed me after that game. I cried for the entire night - Mr. Yo and Lyx are both well known top teamgame players, Paladin is their good friend + team captain + the biggest Chinese aoe streamer, of course I am the one to blame for losing games. At that time, I was earning steadily at least 5000 RMB a month (*~780 USD) from streaming aoe2. Because of that single sentence Paladin commented, my earning dropped to 1-2000 RMB a month (*~150-300 USD). I could only blame myself for not being good enough for the team.
- In July 2018, there was another 1v1 tournament hosted by MS. I won vs Liereyy 3-2, which made things slightly more positive. One of my supporters, 胖哥, gifted a lot of "super rockets" in my channel (*douyu streamers earn money by receiving "gifts" of different values, one "super rocket" = 2000 RMB/300 USD). Then there was kotd2, I was to play vs Liereyy again in the semifinal, 胖哥 promised he would become a "king" in my channel if I made it to the final (*"king" = 60,000 RMB/9400 USD per month). I was mentally stressed - I have won vs Liereyy twice recently in tournament, and everyone was expecting me to have another "easy win". I ended up losing 1-4, as you would expect, chat went wild again blaming me for being a noob and "only capable to win small tournaments".
- My mod asked what tag I wanted for my channel, and I said "top 3 in the world for aoe2" becasue Liereyy jokingly said "vivi is the only one other than viper that won vs me, so he's #3 in the world". It's a tag for fun and I have never said "I'm top 3 in the world" after losing to Liereyy.
- The Chinese community constantly compare me with Mr. Yo, and everytime we played vs each other, I always lost either 2-3 or 3-4. In June 2019, Mr. Yo won another tournament whilst I was only top 16. I donated a "super rocket" to his channel in the final day, hoping his chat could be less mean towards me after Mr. Yo won. By then, My. Yo has overtaken Paladin to become the biggest aoe2 streamer in China, his chat was extremely active - I know I would feel salty and upset watching him winning. "It's not that bad to be the second best, just keep playing and streaming", I kept telling myself.
- Fast forward to hidden cup 3 in 2020, I made it top 16 and got stomped by Liereyy again whilst Mr .Yo made it to top 8 before losing to viper. I really don't understand the contrast - My. Yo's chat was supportive and no one blamed him for losing to the best player in the world, but everyone was attacking me for losing to the second best player in the world. Most of the time, I really tried my best to perform, but after being bullied for such a long time my mentality isn't healthy anymore.
- In the Redbull event in 2020, Mr. Yo won again and I was only top 32. This is when I reslized my steaming career was coming to an end. I have thought about giving up streaming numerous times, but there was always a voice deep in my heart, telling me I need to prove myself. For all the following tournaments, kotd3, Redbull3, Hidden cup4, Redbull4, Holy cup... I could never got anything better than top 16. I have accepted my destiny of being a "top 16 player" - if the community still wants to call me a noob for being top 16 in the world, I guess I have nothing to say. Everytime when I go into Mr. Yo's chat and see the same people who noob shamed me for years, I feel mentally exhausted myself - are you really having fun doing the same toxic thing for such a long time?
- Some people don't like the way I speak, but it's just my personality and I am uneducated. I swear a lot in stream, but that doesn't mean I'm a toxic person. I would like to say thank you to all the people who have been wholeheartedly supporting me. I am really passionate about aoe2 and love the game from the deepest place of my heart, but I am exhausted and have to give up. kotd will be my last aoe2 game, and I just want to focus on streaming aoe4 afterwards. It doesn't matter if I'm a noob, I just want to spend time streaming for fun.
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